Written by Mira Galvin (based on Yoko's story)

A Woman's Tale (I)

Preface

To be young. To be filled with hopes and dreams. To be fearless. To imagine what it would be like to fall in love. To have your heart broken. And then it happens, that frightening and all-encompassing Love. Nothing is the same once you experience that love, the world changes before your very eyes. Every day becomes an adventure.

Here is the story of a young Japanese woman navigating life and love, finding herself and her purpose along the way.

Black Robe (Chapter 1)

Tokyo. 1968.

She still remembers his kind eyes and sincere smile, the warm and inviting way he looked at her when he opened those tall gothic church doors. What had compelled Yuko on that particular Sunday to visit the church for the first time was mystifying but inevitable, setting the rest of her life on an altered course. This moment and all of the weeks leading up to it hold a significance that would take her a long time to fully understand. However, she recognized from the first time that she laid eyes on the young priest, dressed in a virtuous plain black robe with a rosary and cross hanging from his belt, that he would mean something special to her.

At nineteen years old, the freedom and uncertainty one can experience is both exciting and terrifying to an unfamiliar degree. Living and working near Ikebukuro Station, Yuko felt that the whole world and all of its possibilities lay in the palm of her hand. Ever since she was a small child, she had a dream of travelling the world, immersing herself in foreign cultures and meeting strangers from all walks of life. Yuko knew that there was more out there for her than the dutiful and prosaic life led by her family. This is not to knock the choices and sacrifices made by her parents, but being the youngest daughter of seven children, she watched her older sisters follow the conventional steps that were expected of them; marry well-to-do men and start rearing children of their own. She had always longed for more than that and with nothing but time and an insatiable hunger to make her dreams a reality, she began to put plans into motion. What better way to see the world than become an international flight attendant? Understanding that fluency in the English language was necessary for that career, she began taking classes through the night school at the YMCA three nights a week on top of her full-time job as an office clerk. The days were long and the company she was working for at the time became increasingly demanding. Many weeks she worked overtime, getting called in to work on her only day off while struggling to balance her English coursework as well. Slowly the drive and motivation Yuko felt was replaced by exhaustion and doubt, the dream she was working so hard to achieve only felt further and further away. If she had no time for herself now, when would she have the time to prioritise her large and daring goals?

What is the point of living like this? Why was she born into this world? Most young adults are faced with questions like these, the constant internal battle in discovering yourself and your true identity occupies the mind like a plague. After months of working herself into the ground, she found herself alone on a walk with those consuming thoughts. She passed one of the Catholic churches in Tokyo, a fairly rare sight for the time. In her mind, she noted its sharp spire rising high and mighty in the clear blue sky and she was drawn to it in an inexplicable way. Something within her, call it the voice of God, told her that something inside this church just might hold the answers to all of her impossible existential questions. And it was the following Sunday that Yuko returned and met the man in the black robe for the first time. Their eyes locked at the door, and she was suddenly overcome by a wave of calm. In contrast to its dark, grey solemn exterior, stepping inside the church was like stepping into a sunbeam. She couldn’t help but feel a sense of protection and warmth in its brightly decorated walls, the stained glass casting beautiful light all around. At that moment she was keenly aware that she was meant to be here, with the priest.

In the following months, Yuko made a point of coming back whenever she could to receive Christ’s teachings from him. She read and studied the bible, taking comfort in its messages and its applications to her own life. She understood suffering was an unavoidable part of life, of everyone’s life, but that suffering led to strength if one can have faith and love despite it. This perspective helped her to appreciate the busy and stressful season she found herself in, and she was grateful for the priest and the positive impact he was having on her. At the same time, Yuko noticed her feelings for him were beginning to grow. With every visit, his presence gradually occupied her heart, and she grasped that she cared for him in a way that was deeper than mere friendship or comradery. One late Sunday afternoon, she entered the church to pray. With the intent to thank God for easing her troubled mind, she expected to walk into a quiet and empty church. Upon entering however, she realised that she was not alone. Yuko found the man in the black robe kneeling in the first pew, facing the altar in silent prayer. She halted breathlessly so as not to disturb him, standing in the dark corner near the door. The sun had begun to set and as it did, the light swam through the multi-coloured stained glass creating an almost halo like effect over the priest. He looked sacred. It looked as though the light was gently enveloping him in God’s presence. Yuko was swept by emotion as she gazed at the priest, feeling overwhelming love for him at that moment. The next thing that she noticed was her own weeping; the love she had for the priest was unrequited. The church did not allow priests to marry and the fact that he could not return this forbidden love was breaking her heart.

A year passed with her feelings remaining. The priest had become aware of them because he himself was beginning to love her too. He was not a fool, he knew that no one could ever know about the insurmountable feelings that had grown between them. On Easter day, with cherry blossoms in full bloom, she was baptised. In her hand she carried a rosary, a treasured and meaningful gift given to her by the priest. She hoped that by taking this next step in her faith, God would guide her out of the agony she felt in her forbidden love. However, on the contrary, her deepened faith seemed to only deepen the feelings she had for the priest. It was hard for them to be in the same room, to even exchange a glance at times. But as suddenly as her love developed, it seemed to be ripped away from her. They received news that he was to be transferred to a church in Nagasaki one month later. If he moved away, she would likely never see him again. Yuko was left wondering what pain would be worse, to love him and not have him or to let go of him completely.

The dreaded day of his departure arrived swiftly, and she was not naive to the situation; she knew that goodbye would be hard, but she severely underestimated just how difficult it would be. Yuko had hoped to share a private moment with him at the church before the rest of his usual parishioners came to bid him farewell, but in a moment of fear she backed out. Seeing him face to face, actually saying the word “goodbye” would make everything about this awful scenario real, not just a nightmare she hoped she’d wake up from. To tell the truth, she wasn’t confident that her heart could handle it, so instead she sat in a cafe across the street. On the second floor, from behind a large glass window, she had an unobstructed view into the church’s courtyard. Under the wisteria shelves, she watched fondly as he mingled politely with his parishioners, all the while memories of their time together flooded her mind. In the short time that she had come to know him, the young priest had changed Yuko’s life and heart in so many profound ways. She had never before met a man like him, never before felt a love like this, how was she supposed to just move on with her life? It didn’t seem fair or right. With the clock ticking, she eventually mustered up the courage to face him. Just as she was about to cross the street, she was paralyzed once again with emotion. Tears began to fall down her face, she realised she couldn’t be seen in the state she was in- not by him or the other church goers. Surely running away would be easier than saying goodbye to her priest with an audience watching?

The young priest caught a glimpse of Yuko standing across the street. He had been waiting all day to see her, to hold her in one last embrace… But before he could call out to her, she had turned her back and was heading the opposite direction.

Yuko wept and wandered the streets, unable to console herself at the thought of losing him for good. The seconds passed, ever closer to the departure of the Nagasaki train and she realised what a mistake she had made. With a sudden rush of emotion, she found her feet hurtling towards the station; she did want to see him one last time and now she feared it was too late. She climbed the stairs of the station, nearly tripping up them as she prayed she would still catch him waiting for her. But when she finally got to the platform, the train doors were ready to close and the only people left on the platform were those who had come to send off their loved ones. She quickly paced along the cars and peeped through each window, searching the packed compartments for one passenger, the one face she loved. But he was nowhere in sight. She became desperate, coming to terms with the fact that she missed her chance.

Heartbroken, the young priest stood hidden behind the door of one of the cars. He could not understand why she came all the way to see him only to retreat at the last second. After he boarded the train to Nagasaki, he gazed out of the window, a small piece of him clinging to the hope that she would reappear in front of him. For a brief moment, he considered stepping off the train. However he knew God called him to a purpose greater than himself, greater than Yuko or their shared love; no matter how deep and beautiful it may be. He also understood that God had a plan for her too, one that took them both on considerably distant paths. It was Yuko who needed her faith restored, to trust that her broken heart was also a part of this journey and not the final destination.

Black Robe (Song)

Wearing a sacred black robe, you alone were praying silently.

Gazing at you without a word, I stood at the dark corner of the church.

Love that can not be true has torn my heart apart and causes me so much pain.

Wanting you to know so desperately of my love for you.

Forbidden love this is, love that cannot be allowed.

Though my love can be yours, but your love could never be mine.

Evening bells are ringing when you are leaving me behind.

Disappearing into the darkness, without knowing my love for you.

Loving you with all my heart, but your love is for the man on the cross alone.

Chapter 1 - Black Robe (English)

A Woman's Tale (I)